I can’t decide wether I crave for an orgasm or want to stay denied

Hey there folks,so for a long time I have been playing a certain orgasm denial game (TL;DR I draw cards from a deck of 52 before I cum and I have to ruin if it’s a picture card, which results in a maximum of 13 possible orgasms due to some rules). I had been ruining my orgasms consistently for almost a month, and when I got to orgasm again I experienced a weird feeling.On the one hand it felt incredibly good to fully cum again after such a long time and experience what I had been waiting and hoping for, but on the other hand I was kinda sad to see all the denial build up, all the deliciously ruined orgasms go to “waste”.I love to experience the might of a full orgasm, but I love being denied pleasure and punishing myself equally as much. So I figured I’d ask you guys for your opinion. I want both, but can only settle for one.Cheers! Get your own Orgasm Control toys: For men: http://www.amzn.to/1V6XQvv For women: https://ift.tt/1UWn54n