I’m officially 10 (and a half) days into my indefinite and first ever experience with orgasm denial. I thought I’d share my experience thus far! I’m kicking myself that I didn’t think to keep an actual daily journal. It’s difficult to remember all details. But I will do my best!Since I have been dating my Master I have had many firsts. Cumming on command with nothing but a trigger word. Edging. Denial. These were new concepts to me. We experimented with edging and ruined orgasms. I couldn’t really tell the difference between the two. It always felt like it was too close to call. I was so afraid of tipping over that edge and finishing. Finishing meant I had failed. I had disobeyed.My Master talked me through it. That I was holding back and just edging close to the line, and not ruining the orgasm, because I was afraid of having an orgasm and breaking the rule that I never do.And we talked about it. He asked questions. I am not allowed orgasms, that’s the rule right? And I never disobey my Master, right? So he told me all this and then told me the next part.Whatever happened, it couldn’t be an orgasm! Because I’m not allowed orgasms and he’d never tell me to do something that resulted in an orgasm. So if I’m just following his rules then whatever happens, whatever it feels like, even if it really felt like an orgasm? Well it couldn’t be an orgasm. Because I’m not allowed orgasms and I’m a good slave who NEVER does something she’s not allowed to do!It gave me the confidence to really go for it and not be afraid of failure. So I laid down and relaxed, grabbed my wand, and started to cum SUPER hard immediately took it away. Eureka! Ruined orgasm. It felt amazing! But also very cruel. So, still amazing.I had never experimented with either edging, ruined orgasms or denial prior so it’s been really fun! It’s a totally new sensation. Feeling SO desperate, so horny, so much so that you want to cry and scream and rip your hair out. Every sensation is heightened. A gentle breeze feels like a lighting bolt. It’s exquisitely agonizing.Later in the week I experienced a massive sub drop after a long edging session. I was in a horrible mental place. I was so depressed thinking I would never experience some really amazing hard rough sex with a massive orgasm again! I was sobbing uncontrollably. Once I finally calmed down, my Master kindly reassured me that the rules that are in place only exist as long as the happiness I gain from them outweighs the difficulty of them. That if the pain ever outweighs the happiness that can lead to mental distress and emotional harm the rule disappears.He also explained that sub drop is a natural side effect of the kind of masochism I’m into. It’s the “price of admission.” That simple fact means sooo much to me. It means that I’m not too weak for this. That I’m strong enough and even when I crash this hard it doesn’t mean the experience is over. It doesn’t mean I can’t do it. I just have ride out this emotional roller coaster and get back on when I’m feeling like myself again.Now I truly feel like this gift, this offering I have chosen to give to my Master, to deny myself pleasure and only feel suffering forever, isn’t a burden to me. It doesn’t weigh heavily on me anymore. It doesn’t feel like this crushing weight I have to carry around. It’s simply a part of me. The part of me that is strong and and resilient. I love it and I’m proud of it.My Master bought me a lovely piece of jewelry and a set of numerical charms. Every night I get to update my number of days denied. It gives me so much strength and reminds me every day that my denial is all for him. It’s a choice I made to show him how much I love him. How grateful I am to be owned by him. And I get to feel this way every day, forever! female orgasm denial Get your own Orgasm Control toys: For men: http://www.amzn.to/1V6XQvv For women: https://ift.tt/1UWn54n