How to have better sel[f] control?

I am terrible at denying myself. I can edge a bit, but have a really, really hard time not cumming from a session. My brain just goes into “fuck it” mode and all the good reasons to be denied go out the window and I just go for it. Sometimes I shamelessly don’t even try to ruin. Okay, often, I don’t even try to ruin. If i do ruin, I usually have to have another session later or even a full orgasm right after. I’ve tried doing my prescribed edges and then putting 5% lidocaine cream on my clit and surrounding area so I can’t feel it. Didn’t work. I still came. Twice actually, because I was so turned on from the edging and the mental idea of being numb.I’m married, so I’m not interested in private messages or one-on-one play. I’m looking for ideas and techniques and suggestions. My husband is away for several months, with limited and non-private communication, so he can’t really help me. We’ve only lightly dabbled in orgasm control before, so I don’t have a regular routine. I just want to be a wet, horny mess when he gets home. Also, I feel bad that I’m able to cum whenever I want and he’s…. not. I’m a SAHM, with two little kids. Being at home a lot of the time offers a lot of flexibility, but having kids around dampens that flexibility.Thank you for reading and any thoughts you want to share! female orgasm denial Get your own Orgasm Control toys: For men: For women: